Chatters.. Laughter.. Exchanging of smiles and glances.. Generosity of memories shared.. Non-stop blabbering.. and then, SNAP! Staring blankly at nowhere.. In the spur of a moment, unidentified images come floating. Ideas come rushing in like a bullet shot. The once-foreign images slowly become evident, slowly forming a scene, slowly depicting a story. And then a small voice whispers words, with the barely inaudible volume. The words become clearer, little by little. Oh right! A pen! And a paper! I need to jot 'em all down! But ugh! No, no, not today. The voice gets louder and louder, screaming in my head, "FLORABEL! GET A PEN AND A PAPER AND WRITE WHAT YOU JUST SAW!" I shake my head as if I could erase all that. I'm now back to sanity...
This is a common happening I often experience. It has become part of my daily whereabouts as I continue to live my 17 years of existence. I try as much as possible to live a normal life like any other teenage girl does. But having a capability like this -- going suddenly blank and then seeing images flaunting and hearing whispered words (I don't even know the meaning of some of them), I don't think it would be that easy. The thoughts usually come unexpected, and at times I wished they'd never come back. Sometimes, I wonder if this incomprehensible imagery is actually helping me in my realm as a writer or just became the reason for my nightmares (For about five months, strange dreams had been my visitors in sleep every night, causing me to suddenly scream or cry at midnight without actually knowing why). I don't know how to live a peaceful life then.
It all started some three years ago. I just woke up one morning finding out everything would never be the same again. The first few months were terrible. I don't know how to control my thoughts. I felt like the images were going wild and the voice in my head was screaming out too loud my brain would burst into scraps of meat. One time, I tried to react to the voice. I TALKED to him. I tried to ignore every scene. Eventually, I started to be in control until such time that I have managed to ignore them. When it comes, I now could easily ward off the insanity.
My peers have always been wondering why time and time again, I'd suddenly go blank, like looking so far, far away, thinking too deeply. They keep on asking me, "Huy, okay ra ka? Natanga lage kag kadali?" "Ei, ang lalim ng iniisip ah?" "Belle, naminaw ka?" "Flor, naunsa ka uy?" And the response they get from me would always be an 'Oh?' and a 'Wala uie. Okay ra ko.' followed by a brief smile or a sheepish grin. Of course, they didn't know. Nobody knew. I've never told anyone about this. The reason? Hmm..
I just want to be the same simple girl people knew. Many times, I've been tempted to follow the voice in my head -- get a paper and pen or anything I could write on to jot down the words and the stories. But I don't want to label myself as a desperate, displaced genius or a freaky, little Einsteinette or a child prodigy wannabe like August Rush or Eliza Naumann or Albert Einstein himself. I just want to be Florabel Sarausa. Oftentimes, I give in to the urge. I put these thoughts into realization and see where my creative mind could be bring me to. This was the reason why I was able to write 13 short stories, five free verse poems, two limericks and three haikus in a span of three years. But most of the times, I end up scolding the voice and the thoughts for galloping in my head without permission like crappy trespassers. The funny thing here is that I'd not notice my mouth is already moving and twitching while talking to my brain. I would then get conscious after realizing it and look around to see if someone saw me. (hmmm.. just don't try imagining me doing that because it's really funny. mmp.)
Why am I suddenly telling you this when in the first place, I don't want anyone else to know? Simple. I just realized that this is a gift given to me by God. This is an extraordinary ability worth cherishing and not being taken for granted. God gave me this because He wants me to USE IT IN HIS WORK.
I bet not everyone doesn't have the same passion for writing as I do. But one thing is for sure. God gave each one of us special and unique attributes, skills and talents specially designated for us. And He wants us to use them in the advancement of His kingdom and not for nonsense things. He wants us to discover our hidden gems and develop them for His work, for the calling He has bestowed upon us.
We have unquestionable passion for sorts of stuff -- writing, reading, singing, musical compositions and renditions, dancing, painting, arts and crafts, cooking, animals, children, ministering and witnessing to people, even studying, and lots more! These are such great blessings from God, and these passion for things would be the best way of expressing how much you love God.
I once considered this thing as a dilemma, and even tried to ward it off. But know I have come to think of it. God wants me to write for Him. And I'll keep on writing. I will be writing not for my own fame, but for the the greater glory of the Lord. I dedicate everything to You God! To You and You alone!
ALL PRAISES, GLORY AND HONOR TO THE KING OF KINGS!
Note: I revealed this not because I want to brag about my capabilities as a writer. I did this because I want to show to the world that God is so good and great. He made things with purpose. He wants you and me to work with Him!
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)
This is a common happening I often experience. It has become part of my daily whereabouts as I continue to live my 17 years of existence. I try as much as possible to live a normal life like any other teenage girl does. But having a capability like this -- going suddenly blank and then seeing images flaunting and hearing whispered words (I don't even know the meaning of some of them), I don't think it would be that easy. The thoughts usually come unexpected, and at times I wished they'd never come back. Sometimes, I wonder if this incomprehensible imagery is actually helping me in my realm as a writer or just became the reason for my nightmares (For about five months, strange dreams had been my visitors in sleep every night, causing me to suddenly scream or cry at midnight without actually knowing why). I don't know how to live a peaceful life then.
It all started some three years ago. I just woke up one morning finding out everything would never be the same again. The first few months were terrible. I don't know how to control my thoughts. I felt like the images were going wild and the voice in my head was screaming out too loud my brain would burst into scraps of meat. One time, I tried to react to the voice. I TALKED to him. I tried to ignore every scene. Eventually, I started to be in control until such time that I have managed to ignore them. When it comes, I now could easily ward off the insanity.
My peers have always been wondering why time and time again, I'd suddenly go blank, like looking so far, far away, thinking too deeply. They keep on asking me, "Huy, okay ra ka? Natanga lage kag kadali?" "Ei, ang lalim ng iniisip ah?" "Belle, naminaw ka?" "Flor, naunsa ka uy?" And the response they get from me would always be an 'Oh?' and a 'Wala uie. Okay ra ko.' followed by a brief smile or a sheepish grin. Of course, they didn't know. Nobody knew. I've never told anyone about this. The reason? Hmm..
I just want to be the same simple girl people knew. Many times, I've been tempted to follow the voice in my head -- get a paper and pen or anything I could write on to jot down the words and the stories. But I don't want to label myself as a desperate, displaced genius or a freaky, little Einsteinette or a child prodigy wannabe like August Rush or Eliza Naumann or Albert Einstein himself. I just want to be Florabel Sarausa. Oftentimes, I give in to the urge. I put these thoughts into realization and see where my creative mind could be bring me to. This was the reason why I was able to write 13 short stories, five free verse poems, two limericks and three haikus in a span of three years. But most of the times, I end up scolding the voice and the thoughts for galloping in my head without permission like crappy trespassers. The funny thing here is that I'd not notice my mouth is already moving and twitching while talking to my brain. I would then get conscious after realizing it and look around to see if someone saw me. (hmmm.. just don't try imagining me doing that because it's really funny. mmp.)
Why am I suddenly telling you this when in the first place, I don't want anyone else to know? Simple. I just realized that this is a gift given to me by God. This is an extraordinary ability worth cherishing and not being taken for granted. God gave me this because He wants me to USE IT IN HIS WORK.
I bet not everyone doesn't have the same passion for writing as I do. But one thing is for sure. God gave each one of us special and unique attributes, skills and talents specially designated for us. And He wants us to use them in the advancement of His kingdom and not for nonsense things. He wants us to discover our hidden gems and develop them for His work, for the calling He has bestowed upon us.
We have unquestionable passion for sorts of stuff -- writing, reading, singing, musical compositions and renditions, dancing, painting, arts and crafts, cooking, animals, children, ministering and witnessing to people, even studying, and lots more! These are such great blessings from God, and these passion for things would be the best way of expressing how much you love God.
I once considered this thing as a dilemma, and even tried to ward it off. But know I have come to think of it. God wants me to write for Him. And I'll keep on writing. I will be writing not for my own fame, but for the the greater glory of the Lord. I dedicate everything to You God! To You and You alone!
ALL PRAISES, GLORY AND HONOR TO THE KING OF KINGS!
Note: I revealed this not because I want to brag about my capabilities as a writer. I did this because I want to show to the world that God is so good and great. He made things with purpose. He wants you and me to work with Him!
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)
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